Hello;

{2October2013}
I feel like a failure/loser.

Can someone tell me why i feel like im not attached to people sigh. Even my family i guess? As in I love them, but i dont get the feeling of attachment. Even my friends. I feel like i know alot of people (Or maybe its just because i stalk them hahahah) but tbh i only have afew close friends?

But even for my close friends, i dont feel very attached or close to them. LOL the irony. It feels like when im not in the same school/environment as them i'll lose them or something like that lol. I think its my problem HAHAHA. Plus, even those that i think im close to, i think its cause we have a usual common topic - and its usually me who's doing the talking...? I think? And then along the way you'll eventually get bored of that topic and then drift apart i guess? Maybe its just me LOL.

Plus, i dont know if theres something wrong in my attitude. Like even when the situation's alil serious i will try to make it seem less serious. I hate serious situations its so damn awkward and idk the right way to respond to it. But to the person it might be a serious matter so.. I dont know how to put it but i think I kindof gives off the happy-go-lucky and those really positive vibe(to put it nicely haha), those that doesnt want to give a hoot about anything kind of feeling? So it feels like even if my friends have problems they wont come and approach me. I mean yeah i probably wont know what to do lol cus i suck at comforting people but.. its kinda sad i guess...?

Or maybe its cause im selfish. I think/know im selfish /sian/

But one thing i like about myself is i guess i am always happy..? Like even if i have a problem/sad stuff i can forget about it easily. Sometimes some things i just wanna lie to others, then i'll tell myself that and make myself believe it. In the end, I'll really believe it and forgot about the actual thing!! Yay? Or maybe its just cause im immature so my problems are all really bullshit and bullcrap. Or maybe its cause im selfish so i dont wanna go think about it and then leave the problem/matter to my friends/parents. But offhand, i really cant think of any problems i have now. Thats a good thing yay.

AND im scared i'll die alone. Not just the fact that i'll have no life partner, but also very few friends. Speaking of life partner, I DONT KNOW HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO GET A BOYFRIEND AND FALL IN LOVE HAHAHAHA. I dont wanna die without falling in love. Its even sadder than those whose heart got broken before. I mean at least you feel something and you experience something. Maybe im a vampire or something (-_-), I really dont feel any close attachment with people. And then i get bored of people easily. Die la die.

And then i dont dare to like people because im afraid i'll get rejected HAHAHA. Coward. So i rather not like anyone at all from the start. Because someone once said even if you think you like the person a little, and then if you dont want it to happen, just tell yourself to stop liking them. Because its the first stage so its easier i think! And as i've mentioned before i think i can manipulate my way of thinking easily lol.

And lots of people are what, jealous of me having good results and stuff. The thing is i may have studied twice as hard as you? And we might end up with around the same results. It kinda make me feel stupid. Not everything is about grades. You just need the grades for people to even notice and hire you lol. Thats why im studying so hard now? Whatever you study now you cant put it to use in real life. In real life, you'll need those who really has the brains, intelligence and common sense. And i think i dont have them, seriously. I'll die in the future omg T_T

This is not an emo post. Jingyi dont emo yo. 
Some thoughts after reading some blog. I feel so lousy after reading omg. 
Edit: LOL i think i sound damn lame above but yeah............................................................

{3October2013}
On a brighter note, GONNA GO PARAGON TO TRY AND SEE INFINITE!!!! I HOPE I CAN SEE THEM PLEASE LET ME SEE THEM. AND BE CLOSE TO THEM. AND LET THEM SEE ME. AND LET THEM SMILE AT ME. AND LET WOOHYUN BE THROWING HEARTS ALL AROUND FOR ME TO CATCH HAHAHA. But im never lucky. Lets hope Sarah's lucky enough and may her luck rub off me (:

P/S - I have another pending post butttttttt no pictures yet bleh :p

Till the next post! /waves/

Hello;

{2October2013}
I feel like a failure/loser.

Can someone tell me why i feel like im not attached to people sigh. Even my family i guess? As in I love them, but i dont get the feeling of attachment. Even my friends. I feel like i know alot of people (Or maybe its just because i stalk them hahahah) but tbh i only have afew close friends?

But even for my close friends, i dont feel very attached or close to them. LOL the irony. It feels like when im not in the same school/environment as them i'll lose them or something like that lol. I think its my problem HAHAHA. Plus, even those that i think im close to, i think its cause we have a usual common topic - and its usually me who's doing the talking...? I think? And then along the way you'll eventually get bored of that topic and then drift apart i guess? Maybe its just me LOL.

Plus, i dont know if theres something wrong in my attitude. Like even when the situation's alil serious i will try to make it seem less serious. I hate serious situations its so damn awkward and idk the right way to respond to it. But to the person it might be a serious matter so.. I dont know how to put it but i think I kindof gives off the happy-go-lucky and those really positive vibe(to put it nicely haha), those that doesnt want to give a hoot about anything kind of feeling? So it feels like even if my friends have problems they wont come and approach me. I mean yeah i probably wont know what to do lol cus i suck at comforting people but.. its kinda sad i guess...?

Or maybe its cause im selfish. I think/know im selfish /sian/

But one thing i like about myself is i guess i am always happy..? Like even if i have a problem/sad stuff i can forget about it easily. Sometimes some things i just wanna lie to others, then i'll tell myself that and make myself believe it. In the end, I'll really believe it and forgot about the actual thing!! Yay? Or maybe its just cause im immature so my problems are all really bullshit and bullcrap. Or maybe its cause im selfish so i dont wanna go think about it and then leave the problem/matter to my friends/parents. But offhand, i really cant think of any problems i have now. Thats a good thing yay.

AND im scared i'll die alone. Not just the fact that i'll have no life partner, but also very few friends. Speaking of life partner, I DONT KNOW HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO GET A BOYFRIEND AND FALL IN LOVE HAHAHAHA. I dont wanna die without falling in love. Its even sadder than those whose heart got broken before. I mean at least you feel something and you experience something. Maybe im a vampire or something (-_-), I really dont feel any close attachment with people. And then i get bored of people easily. Die la die.

And then i dont dare to like people because im afraid i'll get rejected HAHAHA. Coward. So i rather not like anyone at all from the start. Because someone once said even if you think you like the person a little, and then if you dont want it to happen, just tell yourself to stop liking them. Because its the first stage so its easier i think! And as i've mentioned before i think i can manipulate my way of thinking easily lol.

And lots of people are what, jealous of me having good results and stuff. The thing is i may have studied twice as hard as you? And we might end up with around the same results. It kinda make me feel stupid. Not everything is about grades. You just need the grades for people to even notice and hire you lol. Thats why im studying so hard now? Whatever you study now you cant put it to use in real life. In real life, you'll need those who really has the brains, intelligence and common sense. And i think i dont have them, seriously. I'll die in the future omg T_T

This is not an emo post. Jingyi dont emo yo. 
Some thoughts after reading some blog. I feel so lousy after reading omg. 
Edit: LOL i think i sound damn lame above but yeah............................................................

{3October2013}
On a brighter note, GONNA GO PARAGON TO TRY AND SEE INFINITE!!!! I HOPE I CAN SEE THEM PLEASE LET ME SEE THEM. AND BE CLOSE TO THEM. AND LET THEM SEE ME. AND LET THEM SMILE AT ME. AND LET WOOHYUN BE THROWING HEARTS ALL AROUND FOR ME TO CATCH HAHAHA. But im never lucky. Lets hope Sarah's lucky enough and may her luck rub off me (:

P/S - I have another pending post butttttttt no pictures yet bleh :p

Till the next post! /waves/

{ Other's opinions dont matter }
The name's Jingyi. Born on 7th August, '96 Liner. If you cant count, Im seventeen going eighteen this year! Singapore Polytechnic, Banking and Finance. Kindof an awkward turtle, but super straightforward. Also kindof into KPOP - SoNyuhShiDae and Infinite are the top bias groups!